From Much Respect to No Respect




I’m sorry and I apologize 

I wish we could start all over again

However one more word

Or subtle move 
Would only worsen the condition
I’m sorry and I apologize
That my reaction to your reaction
Fueled our demise 
I said and did too much
Though none of it were lies
I just hate that it’s altered
Who I am 
In your eyes
I mishandled a natural thing unnaturally
Like the right thing the wrong way 
Where there was once nothing Between us but time and space 
There’s now a wedge  
And me trying to save face
I wish I could change 
What you see
How you feel
What you think
About me
What you saw
What you felt
What you thought about me
About me
About me
It was all about me 
Ahhh…
So that’s where I went wrong…
I didn’t realize I was being selfish
(Classic lyrics to the 
Self Absorbed’s swan song)
I can’t help but care
though I’d advise another not to
I can’t help but care what you think
Ousted from your daily routine 
Suspended then expelled completely
I can feel your no longer caring 
Though I wish that you would 
You went from risking it all by sharing 
To pushing away from the table 
“Nah I’m good”
Your silence is not abstinence 
It’s deafening and dissonant 
Calloused and irreverent 
Requested but remember
U n w a n t e d
Are you punishing me or trying to recall life before we met?
Or a time when you only had 
Fond thoughts of me
Overflowing with respect?
You may not be thinking of me at all 
And prefer I would do the same
Abandoning thoughts of you 
Resisting calling your name
I think it’d be cool to go back
Not too far
Just beyond reach of 
Its Complicated
Minus preconceived notions
And now cluttered history
Minus waters muddled by lack of Discretion and trademark soliloquy
Minus mixed messages and
Our double entendres
Minus this being a liability 
From much respect 
To no respect 
To a place 
Void of toxicity
My efforts to be cordial 
Have been deemed futile at best
Your lack of acknowledgment 
Only highlights the ‘S’ on your chest
It shouldn’t matter to me
Now that I’m a non factor 
I take responsibility since
I opened and closed the chapter
You did 
What I asked you to do
You’ve moved on
Dismissing me as a distraction
Treating me like a thing of the past
I’ve been reduced to a fly 
To be shooed 
An act to be booed
A royal pain in your…
Ask 
Me
How
Feel
Promise I won’t hold back 
This time around it’ll be better
You’ll see 
And my dignity will remain intact
Or perhaps we’ll never reconnect 
Something…
I’m going to have to accept
A life lesson to add to my collection 
Ours…a potential masterpiece marred 
By transparent confession


© Ericka Arthur and authenticitee2015
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Ericka Arthur and authenticitee with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
****Photo credit Quote by Ugo Eze****

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