BEHIND THE GLASS WALL ~ MARRIED TO A MAN IN PRISON
Beyond honored to be granted this exclusive interview…
We ran into each other a few times before. Down my back, my locs (often referred to as dreadlocks) seemed to garner much attention ’round these parts. As one rockin’ natural hair herself, that commonality was only the launching pad for deeper conversations to follow. *Dear Her and I had marriage in common too. Except her husband was (and still is) in prison, where she met him during a personal visit…and 9 months later, married him.
Here’s the first part of a three layered look into their journey. It begins with her telling their story in her own words.
Dear Her Speaks
This journey did not start out as most would assume. You know the typical whispered assumptions, “Oh she must be a desperate woman or she must have low self esteem.” If you can think of any more shallow minded and dense hearted things people can say, then you can add them to this list. My favorite response of all time came from people whom I thought knew me; who had the opportunity to watch me operate in life long enough to know that I don’t move unless I trust the Lord is leading me to do so. Those whom I thought were trusting along with me that the LORD would bless me with an amazing husband. Yet their responses went something like this, “It is not biblical to marry a person in prison!”. “You are a better woman than me!” “Why can’t you just wait until he’s out so you can know for sure?!”. Then there was the ignoring that I am married altogether routine.
Even though it may not be necessary to say, I will mention it anyway so the readers can get a mental picture. I am a beautiful, confident, educated, talented woman who is fearfully and wonderfully made because the Father God molded me. Yes, I have to give Him credit for what He has made. I also think its amazing how the Father will put people in our lives to be our cheerleaders. People like ‘e’ who is just now learning more about me, yet she has more faith in what God is doing through us than people who have had the opportunity to watch me grow in life and faith. So this is how our story goes:
We communicated. I ran away from him. We reconnected. I visited him face to face. He proposed. I said yes. That’s really it but let me share some details on what took place leading up to that day.
We started communicating casually by letter some time in 2010. I am not sure if it was in November or December. I think at the end of December 2010. I don’t have those letters because I wasn’t taking this serious, (other than seeing it as ministering and encouraging my Sunday School teacher’s son).
I started saving letters in February 2011. Letters stopped in April. I sent one card in June just to say, “God loves you”. This is when I started picking up that he may be interested…so I started backing up. We resumed writing in August 2011. He started putting me on point with his intentions with me in August 2011 via letter.
Our first face to face visit was on October 30, 2011. I was now aware that he wanted more than a “sister in the church” kind of fellowship from me. Yet I was still not sure, if he was serious. Naahh…I really did not take him full speed with this. I was watching and making sure that his words matched his actions. My intention was to encourage and minister to his soul during the visit. Well all that happened then some…he proposed to me.
Yep *Dear Him got down on one knee and proposed to me on our first face to face visit! He initially asked me while standing up. He said, “I want to marry you, you are my wife.” Well if you know me I said, “Oh yeah….so if you are serious you will do it right….get on your knee! And yep, he did with tears in his eyes. I just knew any minute he would say, “Just kidding girl!” but naahh…he was just serious.
I said yes but wasn’t sure what I had just done.
I started stalling in our communications after that day, telling him, “Yeah we will get married later on”. I was really not sure what others would think. I was caught up in the “Folkologies” and not focused on what God was possibly showing me. After proposing, he was patient and never pushed me. He basically told me: “Well whatever and whenever you want to do it, I just know you are my wife. Nuff said, its going down whenever you feel that you have your confirmation from the Lord”.
In December 2011 I gave in and said, “Yes its time, let’s do it!”. This however was after much prayer, individual counseling with mentors in the faith, listening, watching, supernatural encounters, and more prayer. Dear Him was shocked that I was ready and would do it now! I told him that I believed that I had permission to go ahead and do it now. I suggested the proxy marriage.
The wedding took place over the phone in January 2012.
That’s it in a nutshell. Yes some details are not included but this is a great over cap of the time line. I had to pull out the letters that we exchanged and reread them. Wow what an amazing husband that I have been gifted!! I promise, I feel like I have known him all of my life, he is my best friend!”
++ A very special thank you to Dear Him and Dear Her for granting me this exclusive interview. I am humbled that authenticitee, a new non judgment zone created to offer inspiration without the other stuff, was entrusted with this real life story. Stay tuned for Part 2.
Much love and respect,
© Ericka Arthur and authenticitee, 2015. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Ericka Arthur and authenticitee with appropriate and specific direction to the original content
*Dear Him/Her used to protect their identities.
Photo Credit (Used with permission): praxiscounselingandwellness.com