This true story continues when the husband speaks from his side of the glass wall and its unfolding in real time…
On the heels of an overwhelming response to Dear Her Speaks, we now get to hear from the heart and mind of Dear Him! In the first segment of this exclusive 3 tiered true story unfolding in real time, we heard from Dear Her. She used an “old friends catching up” approach in sharing the genesis of their relationship. Dear Him on the other hand, has taken a different approach. His signature style is as though he’s in mid conversation, answering questions I’ve not yet asked.
His voice is a passionate, clear response to those who have formed an opinion about their journey to marriage…in ignorance. He continues the dialogue with the photos (credit noted below) he submitted to be included in this segment. They are wonderful original pieces of his art that also speak volumes!
To have him share here at authenticitee, from the other side of the glass wall, in his own words, is priceless. So without further ado, I’ll pass the mic to him…
Dear Him Speaks
Is a vessel that is filled half way with water really half full? Or is it half empty? Or is there possibly a third option that we often overlook? What would that third option be? Let me explain. There have been times in my life where I felt as if my vessel was completely empty. At times I even wished for my vessel to be even a quarter “full” but even as I was going through those times without me even knowing, there were things at work that I could not see. I didn’t even realize that certain things had to take place in order for my vessel to be “filled up”, like accepting Christ as my Savior.
See all the while the cup was already full. Yep, there was air, one of the three atoms that comprise the molecule water. The air that we easily overlook and take for granted, is the same air that fills up the lungs possessed by the people who are assigned by God to help season us, teach us, strengthen us, and yes love us.
This was the conundrum I was going through when I met my wife; learning about the “air” in my vessel. By the way, it trips me out that my wife knew me and had been praying for me long before I was aware she was even alive! Today I realize everything I had been going through was for a purpose. This purpose is also evident by way of the dynamic my wife and I share. This was all in order to build my “wind” up for what God had and has in store for me (us). Things that I never knew that I would need that I could not see at that time.
Realizing through my struggle, that some things you can’t see are going to be the most important aspects of allowing us to appreciate, understand, emerge correctly into the things we eventually will become. I now understand from all of this that our todays’ are a sum total of everything that we did yesterday for today. Our tomorrows are a sum total of what we did today. Now I realize my true answer to the half full/ half empty question…well it has always been overflowing. I just had to accept it.
Yes, I understand, I get it. Our decision to marry can not be understood by many. I’ve come to realize that perhaps it is (hard to COMPREHEND), because this is not THEIR CALLING, IT IS NOT THEIR STRUGGLE! When we first started corresponding did I think, “I am going to marry this woman”, No! I was at the point in my life to where I know I couldn’t have a paramour, girlfriend, fling or any of those things. Really, I was tired of playing the games people play for the sake of “love”, so really it came to the point where there was an attraction to things I COULD NOT SEE OR even hold. Her mind, her drive, how she inspired me to see myself as more than I ever saw myself.
Dear Her gave me a peek through her eyes and for the first time I saw myself in a light that I never had. I felt like it would be a disservice to us, if I allowed this undercurrent to simmer and come to an uncontrollable rolling boil, so that when I returned to the old cycle and I may have lost her. I may be crazy (as my wife sometimes says) but I am not dumb. So when we were in the cat and mouse chase stage, the LAST thing on my mind was what we have evolved into today.
Most people focus on position, or possessions, but the time was just right. The cold part was, I hadn’t even laid eyes on her yet when I knew! No not even a picture! So ladies if you take anything away from this in terms of relationships take these two things to heart: first if the timing is wrong, I don’t care if you have the looks to make the greatest artists cry, it will not work. A man has to have had enough of what boys do and has begun to look for more from himself, more from life, and more from relationships. I don’t care if he is locked up, in the federal reserve, or if he is free as a song bird. This is what it is and you ain’t changing that – nuff said. 2nd, when he has decided he wants more you will know it. There won’t be any “HMMMM” moments. You will know when you are cherished, loved, and wanted. If you don’t you are delusional.
As for Dear Her and I, I feel we have an advantage to a certain degree. See ours is a courtship that I feel will last until the end of time, due to the fact that we have been given an opportunity to really get to know each other from the inside out, in a way that has been dead for generations. Without the bells and whistles that delude us from seeing people for who they are and not what they have. Knowing and growing with my wife in this manner I can honestly say that I enjoy being with and around my wife. The world stops spinning on its axis whenever she is near. I also genuinely LIKE her as well, as a person. Really I should use a word more intense than LIKE, but because its so simple and uncomplicated in its demeanor, its appropriate in regards to how simply we flow together. Really its crazy, sexy, cool. She’s my BABY!!! I will give her the “world” with the sweep of her hand!
Do I recommend this for everybody? NO, because it is not for everybody! Everyone has their mental picture of what marrying a “Convict” looks like. I can honestly say that I don’t regret any of this nor my incarceration. It has matured me and helped me NOT to take for granted, what a lot of “free world” men do. As a matter of fact, my wife tells me all of the time I am the freest man she knows, and everyone in her circle that I have spoken to, say the same. It’s never where you are or what you are going through (unless you don’t plan on moving along) but its where you are going.
I do want to address one other thing. Do we ever really know any body to the degree that we should in relationships? Or do we go on faith that people are who they say they are? Dear Her knows me better than I know myself. Especially with her C.I.A skills. And through all of the crazy questions about my crazy past that she asked before we were married, I faired it because I knew she was worth it. And let me tell you I was sometimes embarrassed by my antics and etc even right now I am shaking my head. She is also assured of where my heart stands (physically, mentally and spiritually). God works in so many ways to make us complete.
I have the most beautiful, God fearing, abstract thinking, smart, driven, caring, and compassionate wife in this world. Man watch out now, I have a blessing called Dear Her, it is a blessing to love her and be loved by her. Guess what? I don’t care HOW it came about, she’s mine. So when you ask me if my glass is half empty or half full, you already know it is overflowing , and when I get home shortly, we will share in getting drunk from our glass!
+++Thank you so much to *Dear Him and *Dear Her for granting me this exclusive interview. Tune in to the third and final segment where I got to ask the questions a lot of you may also have. Much love & thanks for reading!
*Used to protect their identity.
© Ericka Arthur and authenticitee, 2015
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Photo Credit: ORIGINAL Art by “Dear Him”. Used with permission. No copyright infringement intended