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I AM STILL NOT READY TO WRITE ABOUT YOU JAY…

 

Nor am I ready to delete your last voicemail message…nope, not ready. Not ready because I only save the messages I want to remember forever. Things I want to remember forever…just like you.

So what have I been up to since we last spoke? Hmm let’s see…trying not to dart in and out of traffic on this untethered road called Transition….

God. Has this really been sitting in my drafts for two months now? I had it all ready to go along with screenshots of the last time you left a voicemail. Huh? I know, I know Jay…I just couldn’t concentrate man. Enough about me. Why are you gone?

What?! Omgoodness put that down!!  LOL! Whateva man I don’t know why I saved these screenshots of your last email and last voicemail; with a red arrow pointing at your name?! Like Really?!

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Looking back on it now it seems pretty over the top and obnoxious. Like I had to prove to the nosy and the noisy that what we had was real…pure…and consistent. Damn it Jay I miss you and this ish HURTS!!! I don’t know. Maybe I feel guilty about the High School Reunion Gospel Choir Recording idea you had worked so hard on, never coming to fruition. You mentioned it every single time we corresponded or spoke. But I was always lacking the time and/or resources to make the trip back home to Brooklyn; or in your latter years, to Maryland or New Jersey. Then after doing much research you said, “No worries, there’s a special mic everyone can purchase, record their own vocals, email me the files and I’ll mix the project that way!” You were such a genius. A witty, kind and hilarious genius. My homeboy. God, I miss you so.

Maybe its not guilt, maybe its anger or even regret. It can’t be sadness though right? Nah because we’re not allowed to feel that and if we do; only but for a moment, right? Well whatever it is, I feel it all because I still can’t write about you Jay. God knows I have been trying. ‘Cause that’s what we do right? Us, creatives like you and I…me and you. Yeah we create the pain away. Throw it into heart wrenching poetry, passionate lyrics and music. Lots of music.

I remember when you started blogging in this very community. The SoundSuite Studio blog was a true reflection of your heart’s desire to help others enhance their studio experience. We miss you in this space too.

Jay, can we overspiritualize procrastination? ‘Cause I would hate to think that was a factor or even the reason, so much of what I intended to say before now remained in cluttered and fragmented thoughts that never even made it to the Drafts section.

Well that’s it for now. Besides my Mommy, you’re still the only one that calls me by my Rap name. I’d give anything to hear it now…considering I’m still not ready to write about you Jay. I love you. Save a spot in the choir stand for me up there, ok?

 

Peace,

e

 

 

© Ericka Arthur and authenticitee speaks, 2015, 2016, 2017 Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Ericka Arthur and authenticitee speaks with appropriate and specific direction to the original content
Photo Credits Ericka Arthur for authenticitee speaks

 

 

 

 

POSITION OVER PERSON

Respect has to be earned. This we know. Yes. True. Some situations are not that easy. Very cloudy. Gray. Even painful. Painful to rehearse, relive, revisit. Absolutely. It is VERY difficult when she (as far as what he told you) was/is this, that, and the other. 

There comes a time when YOU have to make a decision to soar as an eagle ABOVE chickens. PERIOD. 

Challenge yourself to look at the bigger picture. THE BIG PICTURE. The children. Your relationship with them. Not that FAKE “act right only when” your husband/boyfriend/man/crush/potential Boo OR sidepiece is around. Yep. That’s real. Not that fake “trying to impress his family and friends, get in good with his mom and sisters” foolishness.

You gotta…THINK

Think Long term. The children have feelings. They grow up. They remember. Just like you do/did. When you’re so easily pulled into Team Petty and even comparing yourself as better…and running your mouth…yeah. Stop. 

There are definitely acts too horrific to even mention and “respect” is the LAST thing on your mind. UNDERSTOOD!!! But this every day conversation about her and undermining her position as the one who gave birth to the child/children? Stalking her and her page like she’s YOUR man? You don’t know what the child sees/hears/overhears and will remember. Just food for thought. Real talk. At the end of the day, that’s still the child’s mother. What you say (and do) says MORE about you than you realize. Trust. 

Know your place. @authenticiteespeaks 

5/6/17
#authenticiteespeaks #grownwoman ish
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© Ericka Arthur and authenticitee speaks, 2015, 2016, 2017. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Ericka Arthur and authenticitee speaks with appropriate and specific direction to the original content

Photo Credit: Ericka Arthur 

  

Today, Feb. 3rd is an International Holiday!! It’s Aaron’s Birthday! (Cue music, release doves) Oh, who’s Aaron? He’s my friend from Junior High School (JHS) that I’ve not seen, nor actually talked to since JHS. If you were to compare our bios, and life experiences after JHS, you wouldn’t think we ran in the same circles. Oh wait. That’s ’cause he runs and I don’t. Yeah see. Now that I think about it…maybe that’s why he looks exactly the same as he did in JHS, minus that retainer that kept him from smiling. No. Really. EXACTLY THE SAME.

The man is ageless.

So why the random birthday shoutout to my Zen, Clean Eating, Champagne Drinking, Extreme Passport Stamp World Traveling, Physically Fit, Pine Nut Chewing, Yoga In Time Square, IT Tech Saavy, Motorcycle Riding, Polar Opposite Childhood Friend?

 It’s pretty simple actually. How many people can say they went to JHS with one of their HEROS?  

That’s. Why. Yep. Pretty. Darn. Cool. I’d. Say…

Now wait (insert sarcastic disclaimer here) No I’m Not A Stalker, Nosy. Though We Also Have The Same HBCU In Common (I transferred after a year and we missed each other); Thanks To My BRIEF Stint On Facebook Many Moons Ago We Reconnected. No We Never Dated. No. We Never Liked Each Other Like That. Nope. Nah. He’s What You Would Call One Of My Brooklyn Homeboys! Word Is Bond Son! And we have a serious love for love in common…

I just wrote a piece about (venturing out to) live a limitless life called Potential a couple of days ago. As I live vicariously through Aaron’s insatiable thirst for adventure I see what it’s like for a guy from the same rough JHS and neighborhood we survived in the streets of Brooklyn NY, to travel the world. On his own time. On his own dime. It’s inspirational. It’s encouraging. He inspires me. I share his stories with my family. I’m now sharing with you. 

Here are his actual realtime  Instagram photos from today and yesterday. He’s in Iceland right now for his birthday! How incredibly breathtaking are these shots?!

  

  

Most people are afraid to dream big for whatever reason. Can we be honest? I admit. I am too sometimes. I’m guilty. I love God and I say I trust Him but sometimes I want to help him draw out the blueprint for the next game plan. You know. Cause I can see so much further than He can…considering I’m omni-nothing and all. (Forgot to insert sarcastic disclaimer. Sorry. Not sorry.)

 
Look. Aaron and I, though polar (bear) opposites and thousands of miles apart have found that the common denominator for all humans is still the same, love.  Here I am writing tons of love/lust/longing poetry and inspirational pieces and he’s constantly encouraging people to love and to live in love. He speaks passionately about how life is too short so we should just: LIVE IT

I’m shouting from laptops and he’s shouting from mountaintops; literally. 

Our love for love is strong. We are both on the battlefield for love. As I’ve said on my Instagram poetry page “I’ve been hurt by it, I’ve been healed by it, but….”

 
He’s a soldier of love. May I make a suggestion? I think it’d be pretty cool to give him a birthday present by checking out his new vision and venture of love. Just go to http://www.soldieroflove.clothing/ and maybe a T-Shirt with a simple message of LOVE this season will catch your eye❤️ 

 
Make it wanderlusterly amazing…

(In Aaron’s honor today, won’t cha?)

Love you to life,

✍🏾💋e
© Ericka Arthur and authenticitee, 2015, 2016 Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Ericka Arthur and authenticitee with appropriate and specific direction to the original 
All Photos Courtesy Of Aaron Watford via @s0ldier0fl0ve 
No Copyright Infringement Intended 
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on Twitter @AaronWatford @SOLoveclothing 
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