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I AM STILL NOT READY TO WRITE ABOUT YOU JAY…

 

Nor am I ready to delete your last voicemail message…nope, not ready. Not ready because I only save the messages I want to remember forever. Things I want to remember forever…just like you.

So what have I been up to since we last spoke? Hmm let’s see…trying not to dart in and out of traffic on this untethered road called Transition….

God. Has this really been sitting in my drafts for two months now? I had it all ready to go along with screenshots of the last time you left a voicemail. Huh? I know, I know Jay…I just couldn’t concentrate man. Enough about me. Why are you gone?

What?! Omgoodness put that down!!  LOL! Whateva man I don’t know why I saved these screenshots of your last email and last voicemail; with a red arrow pointing at your name?! Like Really?!

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Looking back on it now it seems pretty over the top and obnoxious. Like I had to prove to the nosy and the noisy that what we had was real…pure…and consistent. Damn it Jay I miss you and this ish HURTS!!! I don’t know. Maybe I feel guilty about the High School Reunion Gospel Choir Recording idea you had worked so hard on, never coming to fruition. You mentioned it every single time we corresponded or spoke. But I was always lacking the time and/or resources to make the trip back home to Brooklyn; or in your latter years, to Maryland or New Jersey. Then after doing much research you said, “No worries, there’s a special mic everyone can purchase, record their own vocals, email me the files and I’ll mix the project that way!” You were such a genius. A witty, kind and hilarious genius. My homeboy. God, I miss you so.

Maybe its not guilt, maybe its anger or even regret. It can’t be sadness though right? Nah because we’re not allowed to feel that and if we do; only but for a moment, right? Well whatever it is, I feel it all because I still can’t write about you Jay. God knows I have been trying. ‘Cause that’s what we do right? Us, creatives like you and I…me and you. Yeah we create the pain away. Throw it into heart wrenching poetry, passionate lyrics and music. Lots of music.

I remember when you started blogging in this very community. The SoundSuite Studio blog was a true reflection of your heart’s desire to help others enhance their studio experience. We miss you in this space too.

Jay, can we overspiritualize procrastination? ‘Cause I would hate to think that was a factor or even the reason, so much of what I intended to say before now remained in cluttered and fragmented thoughts that never even made it to the Drafts section.

Well that’s it for now. Besides my Mommy, you’re still the only one that calls me by my Rap name. I’d give anything to hear it now…considering I’m still not ready to write about you Jay. I love you. Save a spot in the choir stand for me up there, ok?

 

Peace,

e

 

 

© Ericka Arthur and authenticitee speaks, 2015, 2016, 2017 Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Ericka Arthur and authenticitee speaks with appropriate and specific direction to the original content
Photo Credits Ericka Arthur for authenticitee speaks

 

 

 

 


Meet Ericka Arthur

 

Known as fearless behind the pen, Brooklyn NY native Ericka Arthur of Authenticitee Speaks is an Inspirational blogger, speaker, writer, singer and poet. A lover of love, she writes from the core of her heart; to the core of hearts. 

As a volunteer Suicide Crisis Counselor, Ericka has a burden to raise awareness and end the stigma facing those having difficulty coping; especially in communities of color and faith. 

Her latest movement, Inspiration With E, was created to share what inspires her while encouraging others. “Inspired to inspire and healed to do the same”, is the self proclamation that fuels Ericka and has now culminated in the launch of her own radio show. 

Inspiration With E, set to debut Aug 20, 2017 on Grindhard Radio, is where she will share what inspires her. Everything from different genres of music, interviewing Indie Authors, Artists and Entrepreneurs while raising awareness about issues close to her heart. 

Be sure to tune in Sundays from 7p to 830p EST & tell a friend!

WATCH:

Blog | http://www.authenticiteespeaks.com
IG | @authenticiteespeaks
Twitter | @authenticitee

IG | @InspirationWithE
FB | @InspirationWithE

Twitter | @EAInspiration

Blog | http://www.authenticiteespeaks.com

Remember YOU MATTER!

© Ericka Arthur and authenticitee speaks, 2015, 2016, 2017 Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Ericka Arthur and authenticitee speaks with appropriate and specific direction to the original content
Photo Credits Ericka Arthur for authenticitee speaks


Inspiration With E



Are you a survivor? Can you inspire someone in a 1 minute video or less? What inspires you? Art, comedy, music?

My new labor of love @InspirationWithE is something that I’m SUPER excited about! It’s a space where I raise awareness while combining my love for fellow survivors, multicultural diversity, ALL genres of music and all nouns that inspire me! 

For a chance to be featured on my #InspirationWithE INSTAGRAM page, share YOUR 1 minute VIDEO of inspiration, love, motivation of overcoming, enduring health/hardships or survival that ends with a message of HOPE!! Get CREATIVE!

1) SUBSCRIBE @inspirationwithe on Instagram – 2) DM me THERE for more info OR leave a comment below! *Reminder* 3) No Profanity Please & Thank You😉#PositiveVibesOnly | Tag & Share with a friend!

OPEN TAG | 
6/11/17

LIKE/FOLLOW e of Authenticitee Speaks ON FACEBOOK/INSTAGRAM

@authenticiteespeaks – Blog/Love Poetry Fan Page
@InspirationWithE – Inspiration Fan Page
FOLLOW e ON TWITTER
@authenticitee – Love Poetry Page
@EAInspiration – Inspiration Page
BLOG – http://www.authenticiteespeaks.com

Don’t forget to keep in touch & share with a friend!

Much love & welcome new faces!
e

Remember YOU MATTER!

© Ericka Arthur and authenticitee speaks, 2015, 2016, 2017. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Ericka Arthur and authenticitee speaks with appropriate and specific direction to the original content

triage

 

overly concerned

you were not healthy enough to love

misdiagnosed

as you are not healthy enough to be loved…Beloved

 

 

 

LIKE/FOLLOW e of Authenticitee Speaks ON FACEBOOK/INSTAGRAM

@authenticiteespeaks – Blog/Love Poetry Fan Page

@InspirationWithE – Inspiration Fan Page

FOLLOW e ON TWITTER

@authenticitee – Love Poetry Page

@EAInspiration – Inspiration Page

BLOG – http://www.authenticiteespeaks.com

Don’t forget to keep in touch & share with a friend!

Much love & welcome new faces!e

Remember YOU MATTER!

© Ericka Arthur and authenticitee speaks, 2015, 2016, 2017. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Ericka Arthur and authenticitee speaks with appropriate and specific direction to the original content

 

 

stillness

 

the stillness doesn’t feel eerie tonight…

it feels necessary

 

 

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@authenticiteespeaks – Blog/Love Poetry Fan Page

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FOLLOW e ON TWITTER

@authenticitee – Love Poetry Page

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BLOG – http://www.authenticiteespeaks.com

Don’t forget to keep in touch & share with a friend!

Much love & welcome new faces!e

Remember YOU MATTER!

© Ericka Arthur and authenticitee speaks, 2015, 2016, 2017. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Ericka Arthur and authenticitee speaks with appropriate and specific direction to the original content

that’s not

 

that’s not sadness in her eyes

that’s what pools of wisdom look like

once the dust has settled

 

 

 

LIKE/FOLLOW e of Authenticitee Speaks ON FACEBOOK/INSTAGRAM

@authenticiteespeaks – Blog/Love Poetry Fan Page

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FOLLOW e ON TWITTER

@authenticitee – Love Poetry Page

@EAInspiration – Inspiration Page

BLOG – http://www.authenticiteespeaks.com

Don’t forget to keep in touch & share with a friend!

Much love & welcome new faces!e

Remember YOU MATTER!

© Ericka Arthur and authenticitee speaks, 2015, 2016, 2017. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Ericka Arthur and authenticitee speaks with appropriate and specific direction to the original content

AGAIN

Cheat on me again
Ignore me again
Choose her over me again
Disrespect me again
Yell at me again
Don’t buy me anything again
Don’t introduce me again 
Choose them over me again 
Lie to me again 
Don’t call when you say you will again
Don’t come when you say you will again
Copy & paste the same “Good Morning Beautiful” text you sent to her and send it to me again
Take a selfie with her in mind and send to both of us again 
Lie to her about me again 
Make me think I’m losing my mind again
Make me almost lose my mind again
Make me the one you see when you’re in this city again
Make love to me the night before your wedding again
Make me wait again
Don’t take me out again
Don’t represent me in public again 
Damage my property again
Forget to tell me we’re no longer together again
Overcompensate for disappointing me again
Choose it over me again
Pretend you love me again
Ignore my efforts again
Encourage certain relationships to cover for your inappropriate relationships again
Play with my emotions again
Play with my mind again
Don’t support my dreams again
Don’t support my talents again
Crush my spirit again 
Isolate me from others again 
I think you missed a spot

Written by ERICKA ARTHUR for @authenticiteespeaks 
When I heard this quote today, it triggered this piece. WE put up with SO much bull____. I used to put up with so much ____ing bull____. It’s because I honored my word & loved them harder than they deserved. I loved others more than I loved myself. I confused self care with being self absorbed, so I put myself on the back burner & let my smile, weight & dreams go. Well ____ that. ____ that hard. _____ that real deep & ____ that twice. Be free💫e

Day 138 of 2017

New here? iWrite Love Poetry @authenticiteespeaks |iBlog @ http://www.authenticiteespeaks.com | iTweet @ authenticitee | Stay Awhile | Welcome New Faces💫e 

*CLICK BELOW TO SHARE THIS ON SOCIAL MEDIA & VIA EMAIL! ENCOURAGE ANOTHER TODAY!! BE SURE TO SCROLL DOWN BELOW TO SUBSCRIBE!!*

LIKE/FOLLOW e ON FACEBOOK/INSTAGRAM

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FOLLOW e ON TWITTER

@authenticitee – Love Poetry Page

@EAInspiration – Inspiration Page

BLOG – http://www.authenticiteespeaks.com

Don’t forget to keep in touch & share with a friend!

Much love & welcome new faces!💫e

Remember YOU MATTER!

© Ericka Arthur and authenticitee speaks, 2015, 2016, 2017. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Ericka Arthur and authenticitee speaks with appropriate and specific direction to the original content
Background photo credit Pinterest. Quote Dr Phil. No copyright infringement intended. 

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For me it was a red dress. That’s what his wife was wearing the night of the big argument. I was living in California and staying with the Director’s family while I worked on his indie film. That was the night he decided to kick me out for no reason. I was thousands of miles away from family and friends and had no place to go. I was also told that I would be flying back to the East Coast the next morning and good luck finding a way getting to the airport.

Instant trauma. It was horrible. I was sent back to the East Coast broken and very damaged. I didn’t realize I was dealing with the aftermath of trauma until seeing a red dress on TV soon thereafter caused me to break down in tears, made me afraid and feel anxious. I remember my mother, grandmother, brother, and then boyfriend now husband just loving on me; very carefully. Handling me with kid gloves. I returned to them very differently than how I left. There was no official diagnoses, I was never seen by any professional so I didn’t have a label for what I was experiencing. I just knew I had been severely injured and there was no physical evidence of it.

Eventually, I would say a few weeks later, I began to not be bothered by red dresses or casual California references at all. The events instead had just left a very bad taste in my mouth and the feisty, vibrant Ericka had resurfaced. Imagine my surprise when I was contacted three months later and offered an opportunity to return to California by the same Director that put me on the streets that winter night. I graciously declined. It wasn’t until several years later that I learned he was schizophrenic.

Knowing what our triggers are empower us and if we are proactive, it can even render them powerless. Since then I have survived many other traumatic experiences and the unexpected triggers that followed suit. I’ve noticed that over time a number of them have decreased, however others are just too prominent to ignore.

I’m excited about being aware of them because it helps in dealing with it. I have an incredible support network. That coupled with writing, music, comedies and lots of communication etc. works for me. You have to find what works for you. It may be professional therapy, taking up a new hobby, traveling, exercise…or Netflix and a whole lot of Chillin’.

Whatever it takes, pay attention to YOU, yourself, your body, your mind, how you feel about and around certain people; and in certain places. Begin to pay attention to scents and sounds. Whatever it takes to take care of you and be the best version of you needs to be your focus. Period.

We’ll talk soon. Proud of you. Remember to seek professional help if needed, reach out to crisis hotlines, go for a walk, and/or talk to a loved one. But no matter what remember you are never alone, you matter and are NEEDED!

Peace,

e

Blog | http://www.authenticiteespeaks.com

IG | @authenticiteespeaks

Twitter | @authenticitee

© Ericka Arthur and authenticitee speaks, 2015, 2016 Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Ericka Arthur and authenticitee speaks with appropriate and specific direction to the original content

Photo Credits Pinterest. – No copyright infringement intended.

Nope. Can’t say that I remember. I couldn’t tell you where any of my stickers from previous elections were hiding (if kept); nor have I ever been inclined to take a picture of one. Nonetheless this keepsake is from the recent United States 2016 presidential election. What I do remember is the first election where I was finally old enough to vote! It resulted in the first (and last to date) African-American mayor of New York City, David Dinkins, being elected. I have changed so much since that day; but one thing that has remained the same is my unwavering decision to vote – no matter what.

I don’t talk politics. Well usually. I have participated in every election since that first privilege to do so. I remember being excited about having a choice to sound my voice. Kudos to my mother, a young working widow, raising two children in the heart of Brooklyn, New York. One of the strongest women I know, she incessantly stressed the importance of learning how to drive and being registered to vote. So thanks to Mommy; voting (and being a “lead foot” New York driver) is not an option, no matter what.

Things here in the United States have been extremely tense and violent while blatant racism is at an all time high. It’s a hostile climate that we often talk to our children about; especially as people of color now living in the southern region. As a family of faith, there was a time my husband and I would alternate leading family morning devotionals with the children before they left for school. Now morning prayer has replaced the lengthy diatribe that would often cause us to lose track of time because the conversations were so rich and quite frankly: we like each other.

Fast forward to the current state of our nation and its undeniable affect on religious believers both publicly and privately. These times are pulling on every spiritual deposit that has ever been made into my life as well as in the lives of those in my household. Yet Sundays are still described as one of the most segregated days of the week. It is rare for congregations to be diverse, multi-cultural, and multi-ethnic. Most schools and places of worship tend to reflect one ethnic group, simply based on the demographics of the neighborhood. However the Body of Christ, looks completely different than the local church. There are several who are either not aware of the difference between the local church and the Body of Christ or they have turned a deaf ear and blind eye to what Heaven will look like. 

POST ELECTION PRAISE: This Is Not A Dress Rehearsal

I know that there are many heated debates and discussions about the issues at hand. I also know that at the end of the day God is love but we are not seeing very much of that in this hour. One of the beautiful things about love with pure motives is it’s healing properties. The idea of those with polarizing views being able to have civil, vital dialogue without vicious, hateful racist venom being spewed may seem out of reach to many but not to God…no matter what.

The sad reality is there are many who don’t know how to “do church” outside of the four walls of the church therefore reinforcing great division amongst believers about many matters, including this most recent election. Being kind and respectful to one another in one’s place of worship, on one’s preferred day of worship; does not necessarily translate to extending love to those who may look and think differently. But it should…no matter what.

Where the world may have once looked to the church, both local and universal, for answers; it smirks at its smug toxicity with great disdain. There are also several people who have been greatly damaged, offended or violated by religious entities and so religion and spirituality in and of itself is already a major turn off. It is important for those of us who still believe to remember that this is not a dress rehearsal! From the haughty demeanor of those who are in church 24 hours a day/7 days a week to the embittered hearts of those who are “C.M.E.” attendees (Christmas, Mother’s Day and Easter). From those who attend services out of obligation, though the flame has long diminished; to those on fire for God, abstaining from formal gatherings in traditional settings. This is it. This is real life. The real deal. This is not your cute children’s church play, cloistered bake sales, jazz vesper or annual holiday bazaar. We are daily interacting with and walking by people, who are in real pain. Those who are depressed, scared, suicidal and angry. Dousing the inferno of the prevailing ugliness of racism with racism and religious segregation, as one who claims God as the source of their love, is not love.

I believe very strongly that change must come; and as a lover of diversity and the beautiful mosaic of cultures in God’s creation, I’m sickened by the climate we are raising our children in. It is extremely reminiscent of too many of history’s atrocities to name; that ancestors have fought to eradicate. I know the last days are upon us, there is no doubt in my mind but until our last breaths are drawn, believers must deal with the darkness in their own hearts before ever being fully entrusted with the sacred salve so desperately needed to heal the hearts of others.

Post election praise must first start at home before its oil can soothe the wounds of the walking wounded. This is not a dress rehearsal. It’s an invitation to the real world and to life unscripted. You were built for such a time as this and are needed because its happening nowno matter what.

 

 

Because of Him,

e

 

Follow me on Twitter @authenticitee and on Instagram for love poetry @authenticiteespeaks

© Ericka Arthur and authenticitee speaks, 2015, 2016 Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Ericka Arthur and authenticitee speaks with appropriate and specific direction to the original content
Photo Credits Ericka Arthur for authenticitee speaks

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My heart is full and my mind is all over the place. It is racing a million miles a minute, but in a good way. I don’t feel worried, I feel needed. As though there are millions I’ve yet to meet who need what God has deposited inside of me at the disapproval of those who once knew me.

What’s that you ask? No. Not really sure what that means. I do know that I’ve spent almost two years publishing my journal on social media. Numbers increasing by the thousands on Instagram in the last 6 months while interaction with my core followers on my blog diminishing as a result.

My grammar and punctuation is still as suspect as I forewarned readers it would be in my initial post and consistency has been cloaked in obligatory life responsibilities.

I am different. My life is different. My household is different. My calling has not changed but it’s pretty obvious that my audience has. How God has enlarged my territory while I’ve finally fully embraced being an awkward, at times talkative, quirky introvert/borderline recluse is beyond me.

I’m finished chasing the familiar. Familiar faces. Familiar feelings. Familiar spaces. Not really sure what that means for me as a writer…with an audience. I just know I’m ready for the new thing.

Whatever that may be…as wonderfully scary as that may be.

Thanks to WordPress providing incredible statistics I know you’re out there. This website is visited by all walks of life representing several countries spanning the globe. For those that are still here…and still reading my work though you may not comment, I am deeply humbled and honored by your presence and support. It is CROWDED here on WordPress and the fact that something about http://www.authenticiteespeaks.com has caught your eye is mind blowing! God bless you and thank you for taking this journey with me.

That’s all for now. I once knew New and very much looking forward to rediscovering New once again.

Blog | http://www.authenticiteespeaks.com
IG | @authenticiteespeaks
Twitter | @authenticitee

Remember YOU MATTER!

© Ericka Arthur and authenticitee speaks, 2015, 2016 Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Ericka Arthur and authenticitee speaks with appropriate and specific direction to the original content

Photo Credit Pinterest – Emerald753. No copyright infringement intended.